When he met Randon Spackman online, the connection was undeniable, as was the common history.
SALT LAKE CITY -- Ten years ago, we introduced you to Ben and Jessie Christensen, who married even though they both knew Ben was attracted to men. Nine and a half years into marriage, Ben left the church and his motivation to stay married faded. "She did better than I think most people would in that situation, but it was tough," Christensen said.
Ben and Jessie were both raised Mormon and were determined to live by LDS standards, bringing children into what they believed was their eternal family. Then, for the first time in his life, Ben started dating men.
Randon and Ben are no longer religious, but their kids are still Mormon, something the church allows since the children were already baptized and spend half the time with their mothers. Finishing each other’s sentences, the couple says, "she would always talk about liking boys but as soon as they expressed interest back in her…It kind of scared me off for some reason. He was kind of the same way for different reasons, obviously." It wasn't obvious to Lindsay back then, but Blaine is gay.
"I’m fine if they continue being faithful Mormons," Christensen said. The important thing to me is that they're open minded enough to embrace people who are different, including me." In light of their experience, do Ben and Randon think mixed orientation marriages can really work? I think it's a pretty small percentage of cases where it does work," Christensen said. "How God would feel about me if I pursued a gay relationship or how God would feel about me if I made the wrong choice, or something like that," Blaine Hickman said of the struggles he faced.
Farther down in the article, though, I found something useful: an interactive, county-by-county map of the US, which shows that in “Bountiful, Farmington, and North Salt Lake Cities” (one of which I now call home), single women outnumber single men two to one. From personal experience (read: current unbroken streak of years of datelessness), I knew the proportion was skewed in the guys’ favor around here.
I just didn’t realize it was a literal, statistical 2:1. Katniss can’t help me…the odds are never going to be in my favor.Chatting, talking on the phone, sending emails and getting to know new people have been very important for me and very rewarding emotionally speaking.You talk to people more that you would imagine, you confide in them more that you would expect.We have shared wonderful moments, we spent nights and even weekends together…Sex was important, but that was not the most important thing between us… Feeling loved by another man has helped me being more self-confident.I’ve met many charming men who have been very nice to me.